She Slept with her Boss and Confessed to me!

Dear Admin,

I’ve been married to my wife for the past five years. And throughout much of this period, my relationship with her have been characterised by love and happiness. We have a three year old daughter, two pet dogs and a house of our own in a choice Lagos neighbourhood. 

Sadly, there has developed some strains in our marriage of recent. It began with me losing my very lucrative job earlier this year. And even though I can still manage to take care of my home (many thanks to my savings), I worry about my unemployment, even as I’m always anxiously looking out for other opportunities.  My wife has also had to take up certain responsibilities which she hitherto never did. 

My wife works in a good company. Unfortunately, she had been continually denied promotion ever since she was employed. All the other people employed the same time she was employed were all promoted except her. And unknown to me, the reason why is because she refused to sleep with the boss as a requirement to getting promoted. She never told me this until it was too late. 

She got home one evening after being away from the city for work-related travels. And as soon as I beheld her face, I could tell that something was wrong. I tried to find out what was wrong. And as I spoke to her, she suddenly broke down and sobbed. It was then that she confessed to me that she had been unfaithful to me. The boss came up to her again at the retreat, promising to promote her if she give him what he wanted or worse still sack her if she refused. She said she obliged him because she could not afford to lose her job out of fear that we both would become jobless. 

As much as I tried to understand the situation and even appreciate the fact that she felt remorseful enough to confess to me and seek forgiveness, I can’t help but distrust my wife. I don’t know what can be done to prevent this marriage from breaking up. And even if I were to forgive her, I can never forget that she will be going to work for the same man that has hurt me this much. And to make matters worse, we need this job. 

What should I do?


Emmanuel’s response

Mr Anonymous, 

I won’t even try to sugar-coat this situation because it is indeed messed up. Even I do not know what I would do if I ever were to find myself in this kind of messed up situation. Yet, I will advise you to make your decision well, because whatever you decide to do may either have negative or positive implications. I bet you do not want the negative implications. 

I truly respect the fact that she told you what happened. It goes to show (first of all) that she loves you and feels terrible about it. In order words, she never purposed to cheat on you with her boss. However, her confession does not (by any means) undermine the fact that she messed up. For goodness’ sake, she should have told you all along about the boss’ demands. Yet again, I do understand that she might have been trying to handle it all by herself all to no avail. 

In any case, I think you should forgive your wife. We all make mistakes. And inasmuch as some mistakes are almost unforgivable such as this one, you must forgive her nonetheless. She feels remorseful, and she confessed to you. It would have been a different ball game if you had made the discovery yourself.  So I suggest that you forgive her, after which you both should seek counselling to help you sort out the trust issues. 

As far as continuing to work for the man at the centre of this messy situation is concerned, my recommendation is that you both draw some rules. At the moment, you guys need the job as you rightly stated. So set the rules. For example, she must never entertain any more advances from him. And she must resign the moment she feel harassed or uncomfortable. You both must also intensify your job searches. 

In conclusion, the situation may be hopeless, but you can indeed sort it out.

Note: If you’d love to share your problem with me, kindly send it through the contact page on this website. You can also email me personally via

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